security

my apartment has a lot of issues. sometimes i wonder if i had chosen another apartment instead of this one, what kind of problems i would have instead. little did i know that i was moving into the ghetto. our apartment is the only one in this super old building that was gutted and turned into something that was worth more than $2000/month in rent. ghetto apartment=ghetto tenants. my number one problem with this place isnt the cockroaches, or the flies, or the heat. nope...its the fact that the tenants dont give a shit about the security of our apartment. worst of all, apparently neither does the landlord. during the winter, the door is always ajar because the weather makes the hinges apparently unable to move. in the summer its just constantly propped open. umm hello? does no one get it that its recession, and if the apt is open, shady people can come in and jack shit/hurt people?? its common sense. ive asked the landord to at least put a sign up several times and he hasnt done it. whats wrong with these people? is it really that hard to get your key out of your freaking pocket and open the door? if my shit gets jacked im going to raise hell. i do not pay this much in rent to have to deal with this crap.

whackness in ny part 2

i have a feeling that there will be many entries of ny whackness. last night i was in a cab with some friends going from the upper west to hit up park. my friends had gotten out and i was waiting for my credit card receipt. as i was getting out the people waiting for the cab were standing there waiting for me and one a**hole started making sounds that were horrible attempts at sounding chinese. i walked up to him and said "what did you say?" and he did it again thinking i wouldnt say jack. (what a surprise) me, after 2 glasses of wine, a jack and a beer decided to cuss him out. i hate when people think that i am this little girl who will not speak up when people are just plain ignorant. i honestly dont care if i make a scene or that people will think i am a crazy person. i will not sit back and let someone be racist to me and think they can get away with it without me speaking my mind. 

btw when i ended up leaving park, the guy who hailed the cab for us remembered me as the one who got mad. ha go me for at least having one person notice.

being a ny pedestrian is whack

new york has made me a bigger asshole. on my walk home i was crossing the street and a cab driver was making a turn. just in cases you didnt know, in ny its not like in ca where you can turn left from a one way street  when the light is red. this im guessing makes cab drivers more impatient assholes. anyways, the cab literally crosses in front of me and SLOWS DOWN. and me, being the nice person i am, yells "what the fuck asshole!?" and he has the audacity to STOP in front of me and leans over to look at me. i just walk past pissed off. as im approaching the other side of the street, this hokey ass family's mom and daughter look at each other and laugh. ugh.

save me from this half life

i live to travel to different countries. if i dont take a trip at least once a year, i feel like i go a little insane. lately, i think i dont need a vacation from my job, i need a vacation from myself, from the thoughts that are inside my head.

no im not going crazy and dont have evil demons telling me to do whacko things. maybe that would be easier to deal with because that way, it would be my thoughts fighting my own thoughts. matters of the heart versus the brain are much, much worse.

i feel like i have written something similar to this entry years ago in my xanga regarding feelings versus logical, rational thoughts. as i get older i would think that i get wiser but it scares me to think that i could just be driving in circles in this space time continuum.