paranoia

when i was in japan i read the screenplays for before sunrise and before sunset. they come highly recommended by two good friends of mine. when i read books i usually like to write notes on the side that help me to remember what i thought when i read it. the weird thing is, i didnt write anything down when i read the screenplays.

before sunrise the movie just came to me on netflix and im now finally remembering a lot from the screenplays. i remember that i liked before sunrise a lot more because of the innocence and purity of their relationship. it gets all messed up in before sunset.

in one of the first scenes celine talks about her paranoia about death. it was amazing how well i could relate to her when she was describing it. she talks about how she is constantly thinking about death-not that she is afraid of it, but the few seconds right before when you know for sure you are going to die.

i dont mean to feel morbid, but dude im like that all the time. on the subways in ny i am always terrified that there is going to be a bomber. but somehow i still get on the subway. on my many flights, i think about what would happen if someone were to get up and announce they were going to blow up the plane. on my flight back from japan (this was after the nigerian tried to blow up the flight to detroit) i couldnt sleep because i was suspicious of all these people on the flight. but i somehow get on planes. i once walked off a bus because i was paranoid.

i wonder what it is that makes me feel like this. do i watch too many movies? and what is it that makes me still get back on the bus, plane, subway even though im terrified?