Sabbatical Day 185 (11.9.16) - A day full of emotions

Every Wednesday I spend 1 hour practicing my asanas and meditating. Today was no different and I started the morning feeling great! And then I started to watch the election coverage. I couldn't stop watching but at about noon I already knew what the result would be. I had to choke back tears but I tried to keep my faith and have hope.

I went to the jjimjilbang to meet my friend as planned and tried to keep my spirits up. But as I walked to the meet my friend, I tried to figure out why I was so upset. What was it that was making me emotional? 

My friend asked me why I was so scared and so sad and I told her that I am afraid of what the future will bring. What I've seen from the campaign is people acting upon fear. Wanting to stop immigration and bring the country "back" to its greatness. Wanting to divide our country and say that people who are living there are not Americans. I'm afraid of where my place and my future children's places will be in that America. I remembered flashbacks of my childhood where I was told to go back to China. Where people still look at me in shock when I speak English without an accent. Where I've been asked "Where are you from?" Despite all this, America and being American is all I know. But from these election results, I realize that these incidents that I've experienced are not just outliers.

California is a bubble and a great bubble, but seeing all the racist acts happen across the country makes me think that the rest of the country doesn't think like we do. My bubble has been burst and I feel devastated.

However, when I tried to explain this to James, he made me think about what is the worst thing that can happen. I told him I was afraid that Donald Trump might take the US troops out of South Korea, that he might put people in internment camps, that he might start WW3. Well, after blurting all that out, I realized that I am saying all this in fear too and I'm just like people who may have voted for Trump in their fear. I cannot let fear dictate my emotions and worry. The best thing I can do is try to help - educate people in compassion, volunteer my time. Although saying all this, I wish I was back in the US in order to do so. What can I do from Korea?