1) I've never lived outside of the US - I think living away from what I know can give me more perspective. I know I lived in New York, but that was still in the US. For me, living abroad will take me out of my comfort zone.
2) That biological clock is ticking
3) I am confused in my career - I love my coworkers. I love them so much I think I spend more time with them than I do James. They're smart, hardworking and amazing people. My confusion about my career comes partially from my own insecurities, being frustrated by a few things about the company, and simply feeling unsure that my job is the right path for me.
To talk about my own insecurities more I'm one of those people where feedback and other people's perception very much gets to me. If I get the feeling that someone does not think I am doing well, I definitely don't use that as ammunition to do better...instead I do worse. On the converse, if I get the feedback that I am doing well and I feel like I am, I will continue to try to do well. Most of the time, I know it's all in my own head but I can't help but let it get to me. It's something I absolutely need to work on.
Frustration about the company. I understand that every company and every job has its issues and I'm ok with that. What I'm not ok with is a combination of the issues and how they affect me doing my job. As I am writing this, I'm thinking now that my frustrations come because I expect too much from my employer. I think that's something that may be instilled in me too! Because I work in the US, and because I work in employee benefits in the US. It makes so much sense now. I really need more perspective.
Feeling unsure that my job is the right path for me is also for a few reasons. I've never been good at anything. I don't have anything that I'm passionate about. I just fell into this industry and thought that I wanted to go down this path of consulting. One of my worries is that it isn't sustainable. Going back to that biological clock, I'm worried that when I do have a baby, there will be no work life balance.
I've had a lot of internal struggle throughout this whole process. Feeling like no one understood where and why I was feeling the way I did. Feeling like I couldn't talk to anyone. And then James introduced me to the Alchemist. I remember reading this book in high school and it not having any meaning for me. When I started reading the book this time, it meant something completely different. Long story short is that this boy goes searching for a treasure which he believes is his personal destiny and ends up on a journey. The journey takes him away from his home, out of his comfort zone...literally away from everything he knows. When he reaches his destination, he finds out that his treasure was actually back at home. The problem is, he wouldn't have discovered that without going on his journey.
Two things I got from this book are: I'm not alone! Also, very cliche but it's about the journey not the destination. I'm trying to hold onto this as I travel and experience as much as I can. Maybe taking a break from work and life for a bit will make me realize that my career is where I'm meant to be.
This quote is something I got from Grey's Anatomy which I think relates very well: "Sometimes you just have to go with your gut. And maybe, maybe that'll take you to where you were meant to be in the first place."
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